I lost my dad on April the 4th , 2015.
His name was Chris Davies. I don't really think anybody can understand the heartbreak of losing your parent at a young age , until they've been through it. Although , people can give such amazing support when they haven' t been through it and it really helps.

Dad got diagnosed a year before he passed. It was difficult because just before he got diagnosed , my parents split up and my dad moved to Devon with his dad. As I couldn't see him , It never became a reality.
I saw my dad for the first time after the first couple stages of treatment. I remember stepping out of the car and seeing how much weight he had lost. He was so skinny when he used to be my medium-large ,cuddly dad.
He couldn't eat , he used to drink these shakes which would give him all of the nutrients he needed but I felt bad for him.
Never the less, his spirit was high. He took my sister and I shopping , horse riding along the forest. I enjoyed every moment so much.
I guess , at the time , I never realised that he knew it was possibly his last moment with his daughters. I tried not to think about it at the time , or face it. Therefore , I never realised that the last goodbye - was the last goodbye.

There is so much I regret. I regret not taking more than 1 photo with Dad the last time I saw him. I regret not saying goodbye properly because I never knew it was goodbye. It's really hard thinking about it but I guess the memories I did make , are locked away as treasures for me. One of my favourite memories I made with dad after he got diagnosed was Christmas. We Skyped Christmas morning , opening presents in front of each other. I felt so close to him. I knew there wasn't anything I could do to slow down the disease or stop the pain but all I did was make him proud and I knew that would bring him happiness.
Every day was a waiting game , knowing that I could come home from school and hear that he had gone. Dad got taken to a hospice where for the last few weeks people who loved him and cared about him could go visit him , care for him and make his last moments happy. Due to distance , I didn't get to go up. I wish I could have , I would have done anything just to say goodbye.

My dad was a hero to me , he wasn't perfect , he made mistakes but I loved him all the same. My Dad loved my music. He would be so proud to know that I'm doing my grade 7. He loved my piano playing , especially Moonlight Sonata. If I ever want to feel close , I play it. I think to turn something as bad as death into a positive is the best healing process you can go through. I turned my negative thoughts , pain into an ambition to help people dealing with the same thing just to make him proud.

When I heard the news , I was with my mum and sister so I think we all were comforted that we weren't on our own.
For anyone who is going through something similar , I think time alone was essential for me.
Sometimes , I go through the day not thinking about Dads passing , it feels like he has gone on a long holiday. When I'm alone , I think it gives me time to come to a realisation. To know that he's gone.
One thing you have to remember; When a loved one dies , they never leave. For me , I know he's still here. It's down to the person themselves , but me? Dad is always here , I talk to him , laugh with him and he helps me. I have this beautiful painting on my wall , it's a winter landscape with tiny Led lights that sparkle. When I turn them on , I'm reminded of the beauty in dads heart , when I turn them off I say goodnight and sleep well. I think it's important to never lose contact , but it's also important to realise that they're gone otherwise it could turn into something you're not willing to let go.
You have to be prepared for the pain , the heartache. The tiny things that will get to you ; the feelings of "I've just lost a parent , how can you be having fun " feelings.
Time is the best medicine , you can't expect to wake up the next morning and everything will be normal , if you work with time , time will work with you.
The hardest part I found of losing a parent to cancer is trying not to blame yourself , not to regret.
There's always "what if" "I could have" but I had to keep reminding myself that nobody deserves cancer , it's nobody's fault and it certainly wasn't mine. That took time to realise. I found that researching the cancer after he died helped , finding out ways to help.
It makes me proud of myself and I know that my dad is so so proud of me for just wanting and trying to help.
So , here I am. Making my dad proud , trying to raise as much money as possible to fund for more research and equipment into Oesophageal cancer. I knew that this was the perfect charity for research because it wasn't generalised. I wanted to help with this specific cancer because I wanted to reduce what happened to me , I don't want anyone else to go through it- even though I know they will.

Our loved ones really do live on forever. Even though I've lost my dad , I can't just sit back and let it happen to everyone else. We have to change the world around us , to make it a better place for the future. To help change , and progress in medicine. To give others a second chance and a longer time to say good bye and to make as many memories as possible. I believe that if everyone helps then we can get Oesophageal cancer the recognition and research it deserves.

Everyone's battle is different , and everyone deals with things in different ways. I do hope this will help people , all I want to do is help, help this Charity and the people suffering.