Hello I am Nicola Tait.

On the 10th of August 2014, my world changed. 

I lost my soulmate Kris to an unknown heart disease, we were cycling Ride100 2014 and he collapsed and had a heart attack in front of me. The shock and devastation that was left with me, I can never quite word or explain. All I know is a piece of me died that day on that hill. 

The first 6 months, I do not remember. Trying to breath without wanting to be sick and cry out with pain, was a daily occurance for me. Sleepless nights, disturbing nightmares, feeling frightened and not accepting Kris had gone, followed me every day.

Why did this happen to us? Where has he gone? Why did our life journeys get cut short? The isolation that comes with this, is one I have never experienced. Friends and family are fantastic, they support you and grab you when you fall. But they eventually go back to their own lives, to their partners. You are left alone once more. That one person, your best friend in the entire world, the one who you can help you get through this and would explain to you what to do isn't there anymore; to hold you, smile at you, offer some reassurance and hope that it will be OK.

You think you are going crazy some days, you don't know where to go, it's like being lost in a maze, walking through a tunnel without a light. It's confusing. You panic, you worry, how am I ever going to get through this? Will I ever get through this....

Then you come across someone who 'gets it'. Someone who carries the same amount of pain as you do, someone who holds their broken heart in their hands, day in, day out. Performs every day with a fake smile, but if you look at their eyes, they carry the sadness. But they are a few more months / years in front of you. They smile at you and they reach out and they give you their hand, they know they cannot take the pain away. They don't know anything about you, you have difference taste in musics, films, foods, lifestyles................ but they 'get it'. 

Widowed and Young, a fantastic charity who have helped me by providing me information about my grief of losing a partner, confirming to me that is natural to feel the way I am feeling, arranging events, offering a website and a secure place for us to talk in private. The charity keeps us safe, keeps us communicating and provides a hope of a future & introduces you to new people.  

Everyone in WAY has experienced a loss of a partner, so they know how are you feeling, they can offer good advice on how to approach certain situations. Most of us spend our lives looking for that perfect partner to spend the rest our of lives with, when they are taken so suddenly so early into the their lives, it does feel unfair and cruel. 

This is why I am running the best Marathon in the world, for this fantastic charity. I want to raise as much money and awareness, as they really have helped me to feel 'normal' about my situation. 

I hope you will support me, by pledging a small amount to this charity. I also want to say thank to WAY for helping and I hope to offer some back, by completing this race. 

Nicola