On Friday 11th December 2015, at St Mary's hospital both mine and Adam's life changed forever. At 09.56 weighing just 3lbs 8oz we welcomed Leonard Patrick Whittle into the world.

I have gone to the trouble of writing this story out for you to read as I want people to understand and see what parents in this situation have to go through and the lengths that the wonderful NHS staff go to, to ensure that parents and babies get through it in one piece. I have said it before and I will say it again, these people are angels in disguise, please read this and donate it will help many other people like me in the future...

The pregnancy began completely normally until 35 weeks in, at a routine checkup where my wonderful best friend and midwife told me my blood pressure wasn't quite right. After tooing and froing from the hospital it was decided that I was suffering from pre-eclampsia and that I would need to stay in for a while to monitor babys progress. We then found out after an invesgatory scan that the baby wasn't growing properly and that it would be better if they induced me to get the baby out so it could thrive outside the womb. They predicted the weight to be 4lbs 4oz so said special care may be an option but not guaranteed. The induction was planned for a couple of days ahead so I told friends and family and prepared for more time on the wards of doom in the hospital!

True to form everything changed again when one night my blood pressure decided to sky rocket (people quoting numbers around 200), strangely at visiting time when I happened to have Adam, my mum and Lucy there with me, next thing I know there was an anesthetist, a doctor two midwives and a student staring at me, all looking rather panicked so I knew something was about to unravel! They controlled my blood pressure quite quickly after stitching in an arterial line and induced me. After a 24 hr wait of tightenings and no labour we knew it wasn't going to happen any time soon so after looking at babys heat rate trace and knowing we both weren't looking good the decision was made to go for an emergency section. They tried to spinally tap me seven times and on the seventh the surgeon advised if it didn't go in this time I would have to be put to sleep, thank god it worked!  

Within minutes Leonard appeare, much smaller than expected, and was in Adam's arms, I cannot tell you the relief I felt. I will never forget hearing him cry. He was here, he was tiny but he was safe and with us. I was out of it, can hardly remember it all to be honest but the one sentence I do remember was that he was going to be put in an incubator and taken to the special care unit. I was devastated, I didn't want my baby taken away from me after the hell I had been through to have him here but I knew it was for the best.

Little did we know this was when our real ordeal began. 

Nursing my wounds, looking around I saw all the women on the ward coming in and out with their babies. I knew I had to get up and make my way to the NICU unit to give my baby the first precious drops of colostrum. It meant so much for me to breast feed and give him as much goodness as I could to build him up. This was relentless. Every two hours expressing and every three hours feeding, having to painfully walk over 200 metres over eight times a day after the section. Knowing it was what was best for him it kept me going. Then day three hit, everything went wrong on day three! The poor midwifes on the ward kept opening my curtains to tell me about my baby getting jaundice only to realise there was no baby in my bay *cue tears* then the Sister popped her head around the curtain and dropped the bomb. 'Leonard needs to be transferred as he isn't in our catchment area' *cue day three hormonal meltdown* I learned quickly there was no arguing, my postcode (Manchester) was in the catchment area for Bolton and I had to have my tiny, fragile bundle put in an ambulance, in a special incubator and blue lighted to Bolton - SCARY!

The day came when I was discharged myself, the same day he was transferred and it was the most horrendous thing I had to endure. My heart was in my mouth for the 40 minute journey in rush hour and finally we arrived at Bolton. This is when the situation changed again. There was a different feel to this place, it wasn't so constricted with rules the staff seemed more approachable and it just felt right. I didn't see it straight away but this just so happened to be the right move to getting Leonard out for Christmas.

I had murders with the staff about feeding, care and other things mainly because I was fraught, tired, needed to spend more than three hours at home and needed a night in with Adam. All of the things you cant even think about when your baby is in special care and you are making the journey to and from the hospital on auto-pilot every day sometimes three times a day. He was so tiny, I was clinging onto every poo he did (yes you become obsessed with poo) and every ml he drank, showing it to the consultants like proud parents and it was just another day in special care for them. One thing special care did do for me was it put life into perspective. Yes, Len was small and fragile but one thing me and Adam said to each other every night was that we were lucky that he wasn't sick or ill. There were so many other families in that unit that were in true hell, and had really poorly babies, some that never made it. I happened to walk into a lady in the corridor that had just had the news delivered to her that her baby hadn't made it. That day, against my will I decided to bottle feed Len recording every ml he had took in an attempt to get the hospital to see what progress he was making. I am unsure whether it was a state of mind but from that day he set off on a journey of weight gain and he was out within a week. It was the best feeling in the world walking out of those doors as a family, one that I wished we had experienced in a normal circumstance but everything he had been through made it extra special. It was Christmas eve and we had done it, he was coming home... Merry Christmas to us!

I know this was long winded, thank you for reading, I just want to highlight the experience that some people have to go through when childbirth doesn't always go to plan. We simply don't know how lucky we are to have these people on hand to care for us and our children when we need them, you don't know they are there until you need help urgently. All I want to do it say thank you and I cant do it in any other way but to give them some money to invest in resources.

Thank you, we cant wait to see you at the baptism.

Love Lorna, Adam & Leonard xxx