Here is me doing something for others. Running a London Marathon has been my ambition and dream for many years. I've been fortunate to secure a place in this year's marathon through the ballot and I've decided to make it even more meaningful and to dedicate the run to a charity which is very close to my heart. Friends Of Serenity aims to preserve and protect the health of sick, pregnant women and those who have suffered miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death. As a woman who has been through the devastating experience of miscarriage I can not praise enough all the hard work the charity is doing. There's a massive number of bereaved parents who managed to find a reason to smile again thanks to the charity and I think it's crucial for all of us to make sure it's got the reasources with which it can continue its existence.

I am a mother to a beautiful baby girl Eva...Eva is my rainbow baby... a beautiful and bright rainbow following a storm, that gives hope of things getting better. My journey into becoming a mother was not an easy one. Prior to Eva's arrival to this world I lost three other babies. Babies who were never named, babies who never looked at me with their big eyes, who never smiled, whom I never had the chance to hold in my arms. 

I've never really dreamed of having children. I always wanted to be happy but I didn't see having children as my only way of achieving this happiness. Everyone including me were surprised when I fell in love with this wonderful man. We knew almost straight away that we wanted to grow old together. We got our first house and decided to welcome to our little family of two an addition in a form of a charming dog. Life couldn't be easier and more pleasant and one day surprised us with a wonderful news: I was pregnant! And in that single moment I suddenly understood what I was born for. To be a mummy, to bring and nurture this little human being, the ultimate seal of my union with my husband to this world. This new, extremely powerful form of love appeared in my heart and I couldn't imagine ever living without it, without this love growing inside me. I couldn't stop smiling, I wanted to share this extraordinary happiness, which just happened to me, with absolutely everyone! My dreams and thoughts were constantly filled with this feeling and I knew no one could take it away from me... At least that was what I thought....

Life was so kind, so generous to us and we dived into those gifts not expecting the dark clouds over our sweet sky. But the doctor's words were cruel and didn't leave us any hope...a missed miscarriage. The baby stopped developing when she was 8 weeks...and I thought to be 13 weeks pregnant. Going through the managed procedure of removing my unborn baby at the hospital was an experience which I'll never forget. The physical pain was almost as unbearable as the emotional one. The midwife told me that the pain was more likely to be similar to the one a woman feels while giving birth to a baby, but in a case of a happy birth that pain is eased with all the happiness...in my case all it was left was just this heart destroying physical pain of my body getting rid of an object which was no longer connected to it. We had to go through the same story, same procedure a few months later ....When I got pregnant again I didn't want to think about my unborn baby, didn't want to get into this state of hope, love, dreams. I didn't make any plans for the future. The fear of losing it again prevented me from sharing my news, buying baby toys and clothes, choosing names... I had a plan B till the very end of the pregnancy. I put my normal life on hold ...the whole pregnancy was about sleeping, eating, reading and watching TV... I was so petrified of losing her.

Eva was born 4 weeks early through the emergency C-section. She was still breach and tiny. But there...finally...was a happy ending for our little family. We were waiting for her so long, wanting her to join us so badly, that when she arrived, when we held her in our arms, smelled that sweet smell of a newborn baby, and looked in her beautiful eyes, we immediately understood that this was the happiest moment of our lives, we were part of her and she was a part of us, we belonged together. 



Losing a baby in the first stage of pregnancy is absolutely devastating. You're in a moment losing a hope, dreams, plans, future...you're losing your whole world and all of it is replaced by a pain in your heart and soul. Now you have to start fresh, you have to learn how to live, how to be happy again, how to enjoy what you used to enjoy, before your life changed forever. 

I lost my babies before they were big enough for me to feel them.... I can't image what it must be like to give birth to a fully developed stillborn baby, to lose a child after you've met them, welcomed them in this world, fed them, held them in your arms, saw their smile...I look at my precious baby girl, who's sleeping next to me and I'm not able to imagine how all those mothers who went through such loss are
managing to find a strength within them to cope, to live, to love.

To overcome the pain of each miscarriage was the most difficult challenge I was given from life. I wasn't sure if I can ever overcome it. I probably wouldn't have done if it wasn't for a bunch of kind, friendly and supportive people around me.

And that's why I would like to dedicate the challenge of running my London Marathon to the Friends of Serenity charity which supports families who have lost a child whether it be through stillbirth, miscarriage or neonatal death. The charity that shows to grieving parents that what they are feeling is no 'abnormal' but entirely normal. Because it is!  

Also the charity provides qualified information by any means appropriate on the chromosome disorder Trisomy 13 for the public benefit.

I am running for all the once loved and lost babies, I am running for all the strong and brave mums. I am running for my lost babies. 

I wish my running could change the world, so no suffering mother would leave hospital empty-handed ... No one should be going through a pain and tragedy like this. Unfortunately so many of us do. Please don't be afraid to talk about it, to suffer, to remember. Don't be afraid to be there for grieving mothers- they need you and they will always remember and be grateful that you have been there for them. 

I am running for my GP doctor Emma. Nothing would be possible if it wasn't for her. 

I am running for Dr Gupta, Miscarriage Midwife Specialist Rachael, Nurse Angela and all medical Staff at the Recurring Miscarriage Clinic at Heartlands Hospital in Birmingham, who have been so wonderful and caring. They helped me through the most difficult time of my life with dignity, safely and well looked after. Then they made my dreams come through... I wouldn't be a mummy if it wasn't for them! 

I am running for my wonderful husband, my best fiend in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, without whom I wouldn't survive a single second.

I am running for all of my friends and family, who have been a great support and help when I needed them. Thank you for being with me, listening, crying with me and not judging me when I was in pieces. 

I am running for my boss and managers, who were very supportive and understanding when I needed time to put myself together.

I am running for my neighbour Ron. Your never ending optimism and a smile which you so generously giving to everyone always cheers me up and even rainy days become more bearable. 

I am running for my perfect daughter. Please stay healthy and smiley. Thank you for letting me be in your life. 

And last but not least I am running for my best friend, dog Zuzanna. She has never left my side when I felt down and depressed. Also she has been the greatest company when training for the marathon. 

I am one in four, but I am more than a statistic. I am a bereaved parent. I carry my children in my heart instead of my arms...